Finding Connection in Grief: Keeping the Bond Alive

Finding Connection in Grief: Keeping the Bond Alive

When someone you love passes away, it can feel like the connection you shared is suddenly out of reach. It can feel lonely, isolating, like a void that nothing can fill. The routines, conversations, and moments that once felt so comfortable and familiar now are only memories and often avoided as we all shy away from our pain. But the truth is, the life you lived together doesn’t disappear. Life doesn't stop for us, and oddly leaning into this pain in this space that was once shared can help us cope. Love is infinite and to keep it alive is to keep them alive in our hearts.

Over time, I’ve found ways to still feel close. Some days it hurts, some days it brings comfort, but every time it reminds me that their memory lives on through the things we shared. Here are a few ways you might also find connection with your loved one:

Watch the things they loved

Put on a movie or show you used to watch together, or something they always enjoyed. Even if you’re watching alone, it brings back the feeling of sharing that time. I have a list of my husband's favorite media written down for when our kids get older and want to feel connected to their dad.

Listen to their music

Play the songs they loved or the ones that remind you most of them. Music has a way of carrying you back into moments and memories you don’t want to forget.

Wear their t-shirt or hold onto something of theirs

Sometimes I’ll put on my husband's shirt on the days I long for a moment to feel close to him. It can feel as comforting as a hug. 

Eat their favorite food

Certain meals and dishes just remind me of my husband. It's cathartic to eat them in remembrance of him. Cooking or ordering your loved ones favorite meal can bring back memories of sitting together, sharing a table, or just enjoying something they would have loved.

Write down memories.. seriously do it! 

I keep a journal  of the memories I don’t want to lose. Partly it's a way to remember when I write them down and partly I want to save them as clearly as possible for my young boys to one day read. Calling family and friends to hear their stories and writing them down has given me a way to live a little more life with my husband through the memories of others.

Look through photos and videos

Going back through old pictures or clips can be hard, but it also helps keep their face, their smile, and their voice fresh in your heart. As you do it you can save the ones that really resonate with your memory of them and save them somewhere safe so you never lose them if something happens to your computer or device. 

Create a space for them

I keep a small place in my home with my husband’s photo. Sometimes I leave out his favorite drink or treat, put out fresh flowers, and light a candle for him.. a light to guide him home to the offerings I've left. When my kids make stuff for their daddy I have them give it to him here. You can also do this with letters or things you'd think they would enjoy.

Talk to them, keep routines

I talk to my husband, there's a certain tree I stand under to do it, but also when I’m walking or when I’m alone in my car. We had routines—like morning walks and weekend lunches, I still do them with him in mind. It makes me feel like we’re still connected and I know he's there in spirit.

Keeping the Love Alive

None of these things take away the pain of missing your loved one. But they remind you that the love you shared is still here. Love is omnipresent. It stays with us through time and space and you can still connect with them and keep their spirit close when you cherish the love and memories you shared.

When I light a candle for my husband– which I do often especially when I’m struggling and missing him. I remind myself that there is power in my intention. It’s a tool for me to feel like I'm giving his spirit something, a way of saying: I remember, I love you, and I know you’re still with me. As well as a way of inviting him to be close so I can feel connected to him. 

At Kindest Candle, we understand loss and grief from a personal perspective. We believe candles are more than a cozy light and a good smell—they’re connection, guidance, and a way to soothe yourself through the sorrows of grief. Each flame carries memory and love, a reminder that you’re never alone in missing someone.

 

With thoughtful solidarity,

Zariah